Saturday, 2 September 2017

The Unrealistic Expectations of Love




One thing I have really observed over the years is how people treat others when they are in a partnership with them. Whether they be negative, positive or casual experiences, society has a lot of unrealistic expectations on love or definitions of love. I know everyone is going to define love in the way that they only experience it, how ever I feel a lot influences everyone's ideas of love and expectations in relationships. I wanted to write about it and explore how I view other peoples ideals of love, and how I believe a partnership should entail. 

Every human on this earth is flawed in one way or the other. It can go one way or the other also. Either the flawed human works on themselves in order to be the best version of themselves, or they ignore the flaws in desperation that they will one day just disappear without having to put in the hard yards. As you work through yourself and age, most people will experience all types of relationships and scenarios in which they will have to consider other peoples feelings when trying to form an interpersonal connection. Whether it be friendship, relationship or other personal connection, you will grow close to people and form versions of 'love'. For example, I love different people on deeper levels. It depends on the experience that I have had with them. I love my sister in a family deep level, my best friend on a best friend level, and so forth. If you are married to a partner, you assumingly love them on a partner deep level. There are types of love and versions of love. 

Society mirrors unrealistic versions of love through things such as movies, social media, and moral teachings. Once formed your own secure morals and values, the search for real love happens. The craving of ideal love begins as you question why you even bothered staying in the destructive relationships of the past. I look back to the time I thought I wasn't going to be able to live without an ex-partner of mine, only to find myself a year later never wishing for that type of destructive relationship again. I loved her in some way, but the majority of the relationship was based on attachments. Things stemming from my childhood only to be drawn to the only familiar thing I know. But something was fogging my rational thinking- and I believe a lot of the fogging came from unrealistic ideas of what love is supposed to be like. 

We all indulge in movies that convince us that this whirlwind romance is out there waiting for us when we least expect it. Movies also show us that our morals and values can be challenged and the person hurting us can be forgiven. For example, a partner cheats on someone. but that doesn't tear them a part, only makes them realize that they love each other more and that something was missing from the relationship to drive the other person to betray. They kiss and makeup at the end of the movie, and all is forgotten. But realistically it isn't as black and white as that. Betrayal can cause trauma and other mental health issues. There are extremes of trying to justify these behaviors. People make mistakes and are only human, yes. But people applying these behaviors in real life and thinking its just like the movies is what makes us think unrealistically about what love should be. Then someone who strives for romance finally finds it, only to push away from it as it's not what they are used to. 

Another example is social media. You see couples traveling around the world together, aesthetically pleasing to the eye. Kissing in their couple photos, sharing how happy the world is. But yet again, a realistic expectation of what love should be like. Love takes a lot of hard work, and if we only see the happy couple on Instagram, we will apply that to people we begin to date and wanting the partner to live up to the picture perfect relationships around us. We all want that validation of people approving of our relationships too, which is a normal thing to want. How ever, not everyone perceives people the same as I do, or as you do. 

From experience, this generation lives up to the unrealistic expectations. You see someone for a few weeks, if not longer, and any sign of it being 'too hard', people block the other person out. Blocking on social media rather having the balls to have a face to face conversation. Or just completely ignoring a situation until it fades away. But alas, it will still be there. When you see them when you are reminded of them. Then a vicious circle is created because people don't have the basic skills to be able to communicate. Extreme cases it isn't always vital to end things on good terms and you are allowed to end destructive relationships. How ever I always see its good, kind, loyal and compassionate people like myself feeling a bit misplaced in this society. The ones who want care, compassion, and kindness in their partnerships and friendships. The ones who can really love struggle to receive the love they do deserve back. 

I think we all need to look after relationships that are good for us. End the ones that aren't. But also still be mindful of the impact you have on others around you. I know it's all a hard balancing act, but it's time to start loving honestly. Find your versions of love and nourish them, do not destruct. 



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