Sunday, 2 July 2017

After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then reimagine the world

What the majority of human society fail to realise is, childhood trauma and abuse stays with you. In adult life, the survivors have to work above and beyond to be able to maintain functioning behaviours and nurture meaningful relationships to them. They are put through through the back burner, constantly having to stay on top of their mental health in order to not slip up. Triggers becomes very fragile, so some things merely seem impossible to be around. But with the right treatment, we are able to live life to the capacity that we can. We can learn ways where we can put ourselves in fragile positions while holding our ground, making sure we can stand firm and not crumble at the constant reminder of the pain inflicted onto us. 

What I wanted to speak up about is the invalidation and mockery people can experience from people they will first meet, have created friendships with or even partners that they may enter relationships with. While we all enter relationships with caution, it is hard to maintain a healthy relationship with someone who either tells you to 'get over' what happened in your past, to 'move on' from it, that 'it shouldn't matter anymore', and the worst is the person you have taken the risk to become close to, saying they 'dont believe you' or 'it couldn't of been that bad'. All these comments hinder recovery and can make the person who has experienced childhood trauma/abuse not want to get the help that is needed. 

Imagine entering a relationship with someone who didn't able you to process your abuse properly as they didn't feel it was valid as it wasn't relatable? You will find most people who speak up will speak up in order to deal with what has happened to them to become a more stronger and secure person. They want to be able to speak about it with loved ones to prevent suicide, mental illness or anything else that has stemmed from the abuse. They want to form meaningful and safe relationships as they were deprived as a child. 

In adult life everything becomes a challenge. Validating their own emotions, maintaining interpersonal relationships, they avoid speaking up as they are afraid of the consequences that may occur if the other person disagrees, they have trouble accepting love as they weren't shown it at a young age, trust issues and will take any accountability for others wrong doings. Then they are viewed as having 'major issues'. Yes we have issues, just like everyone does. But this shouldn't be viewed negatively. It should be viewed in an understanding manner, even if you cant feel what we feel. 

We must praise the people who have survived a traumatic childhood for still having the coping mechanisms and survival instincts to want to continue living after only experiencing pain and suffering. Its the beautiful moments and people that we hold on to dearly. If you are one of the people around us we cherish the most, view that as something meaningful. Because you make us feel important and drive us to want to work really hard to change the pain we have experienced. You give us a purpose to want to stay alive. 

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