Saturday, 10 June 2017

Do not sugarcoat reality; it only gives the people in your life a sweet-tooth that then makes it more challenging for them to later bite down on the hardness of life




Sugar coating is a very popular way to take the heaviness of an issue which in reality, is painful to confront and to admit out loud. Sugar coating can also be used as a form of a 'white lie', with an approach that is passive. Passively telling someone its not 'as bad' as it may seem to them. Personally, I believe sugar coating hinders growth and can also cause conflict amongst others. When you sugar coat something, you are taking away the validation of what it really feels like. We strive for empathy and compassion, and I feel if we sugar coat our mental illness to others, that is when we push them away from us, when in reality we crave a closeness and understanding from them. 

Sugar coating is used to comfort someone else, even though realistically its you who needs comforting. I tend to sugar coat my Borderline Personality Disorder so I dont worry others or become the burden my mind is reassuring me I am becoming. While in the moment it seemed to temporarily fix the feelings of fear I had if I did openly tell the people around me how detrimental Borderline really is, later down the track it caused more harm. Because when crisis and reality hit, people seemed to misunderstand the behaviours that are driven from my mental illness. They found it hard to comprehend because I had reassured them its not 'as bad' as it sounds. 

If people are throughly educated on the statistics of Borderline Personality Disorder, we have a suicide rate of 10%. So that is 50% more than the greater population. To be honest, we shouldn't have to sugar coat that statistic to comfort others. That is the reality of living with this mental illness. That is how scary and fearful it is to try maintain and manage living with a Borderline diagnosis. Our feelings and emotions become so over whelming to the point if triggered, we cannot regulate or 'even' them out to settle us down. So instead we resort to suicide attempts and self harm to ease the pain our bodies start going under. Our front cortex 'shuts down', quite like a computer does when you turn it off to rest. We are trying to rest from the over bearing emotions our body starts to endure. 

If we want help and we want an understanding from a mental illness perspective, I encourage people to start hitting people around them with the hard truths of your mental illness diagnosis. I encourage you to do that in a safe and productive manner, where you can open up that conversation with someone to have the safe talk. Safe talks can also release some of the pain that may be seeping to the surface during the day. Sit with someone and express how you are feeling, dont be scared to express the emotions. Expressing is a much more healing way to move forward, as suppressing can manifest and eat at you until you explode. If you find yourself opening up to someone who is not validating how you feel (eg telling you to grow up, get over it, move on ect) kindly let them know that their support isn't helping and reach out to someone else. I know the frustrations of 'trial and error' when trying to speak openly to people, but you will find the ones who do listen and validate you through out that trial. Always remember to also validate your own feelings as well, even though they may seem small to others. Hit them with integrity, dont comfort them with a fantasy. 

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