Sunday, 7 May 2017

Being articulate vs manipulation

I think a lot of people get articulate people who can say how they feel- openly, honestly and rawly, mixed up with manipulation. Its been on my mind for quite sometime. If you listen attentively to people speaking in conversations like I do, you will be able to pick up on things. For example, you friends talking and is exclaiming how their ex partner has confronted them about how they feel, but they feel 'manipulated' by them because said partner vocalised how they are feeling. Expressing how you feel when confrontation arises is not a form of manipulation. Expressing how you feel when you are in a relationship and being articulate in the delivery of your emotions is not a form of emotional abuse. Being self aware and comfortable in your own skin and I will repeat this, is not a form of manipulation.

Manipulation is the act of manipulating something in a skilful manner. To control or influence a situation. Expressing ones emotions openly can be effective, but not to 'manipulate' or control a situation. In a healthy relationship, someone should be able to vocalise how they feel if something has upset them to defuse a situation. You will find most people will want those open communication conversations to defuse a situation and have a middle ground, not to control the other person involved emotions.

Being articulate means having or showing the ability to speak fluently and coherently. Having the ability to be open with how you feel should not be viewed as a form of 'abuse'. You will find in time the more you listen to people, the more you will be able to pick up on their intentions. Saying: "You have done this and I am upset. I will question your behaviours as they do not match up with what you told me" is again, not a form of emotional manipulation. Manipulating that situation would of been the following: "I am upset. Dont talk to me. I have nothing to say to you. Its not my fault". You see how there is a difference? You have come forward and called someone out on their hurtful behaviours, ones they may not be aware of. This person has invalidated your own valid feelings to make themselves gain control back and them avoiding any accountability in their mind, is a 'clever' way to not own up to anything hurtful or damaging that they may have done.

Coming forward, both coming to a mutual respect when hurt is presented and both taking accountability (and showing each other you have) is ways people can both heal quickly. Wanting that closure and wanting to make amends with someone is not manipulation. Too many people throw that label around and it can be damaging for the person on the receiving end. People need to realise this when conflict is present between two parties. Not everyone is out to manipulate people and emotionally abuse them to get their own way. You will find a lot of people just want to be validated when they are betrayed or hurt by someone they trust and care for. Being articulate and saying how you feel and calling people up on their behaviours is how authentic people live their life. Dont throw these authentic people into a manipulating basket. Be grateful someone cares enough to say it how it is for them and if you are assertive with articulate peoples approach to life, you can also learn and grow and be able to vocalise how you really feel deep down too.

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