Wednesday, 22 March 2017

Tunnel Vision

It's funny how a trade mark symptom of BPD during an episode is black and white thinking, when I do believe the thought patterns for some with BPD is a mixture of analysis and colours, which can lead to exhaustion because people with BPD do put a lot more thought into things then all you people living under the spectrum roof of 'normality'. 

Today another acquaintance messaged me to tell me to not be offended but due to her beliefs of mental illness not being aligned with mine, she is removing me from social media. I use to get offended back in the day when someone would just abruptly remove me from the social media realm. But now, not so much. As I see it, people cannot handle it if you are yourself in the social media world. They want the generic quotes, the comforting lies, the things that wont make them feel a whole much or making them think a whole lot. People want to stay safe in their own comfort zones. I write to make people think about things and to open minds. So please, if you are closing your mind off from my values and morals, don't apologise to me. You can share your growth tree picture on the gram, but I will look back seeing you still in the same confused and frazzled daze of stunted growth because you come to a realisation that the only way to move forward in life is to be accepting of ALL human beings, no matter what their beliefs may be. You are entitled to disagree and go on separate paths, but you should also consider people's feelings as well as your own. Why live in a 'I should of done that', instead of 'I will do that' to make everyone feel important around you? Or learn from your mistakes. Just because you are preaching Zen and someones Facebook status talks about suicide and interrupts your powerful mindfulness, keep in mind this persons experience in life is completely different to yours. You can learn from differences, not shut them out by being ignorant and contradicting. 

Interpersonal skills and emotional intelligence are vital tools for growth. You can surround yourself with your usual clique, talking about the same things and seeking comfort that way. But you will be stuck in that. Unless you branch out, make friends with all types of people who fit under the 'label' categories (race, sexuality, mental impairments, disabilities ect). 

I agree you don't have to have everyone into your world of who you are. But my mental illness is a part of my world, my reality. Not my social media persona, the one you want me to have. The unrealistic expectations society places on people and how they should be. Im Carissa. I want to have conversations about suicide, mental health, your despair and background, things important to you. I don't always agree with what you will post on social media, but I accept the differences we have as that hasn't jeopardized the relationship we have.  Your reality is different to mine. I want to open my mind up and learn from you, as well as discover things about myself along the way. 

So for future reference, if you give me the good old flick on social media, please don't even bother letting me know. As all I notice is the people who are learning from me around me, who do support and cherish me, and are happy to see me continue growing. You can be trapped inside your black and white mind, while I expand mine with colours so bright that you'll be missing out on if you don't try do the same. And no, I am not telling you how to live your life. What I am doing is making you think about things beyond the box you have so tightly wrapped around your own perspective. 

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