"I can't be with you until I sort myself out", "It's not you its me", "I can't keep doing this anymore", "I can't be in your life anymore". Sentences that play out through my head daily. I am not one person who goes out and seeks relationships. My relationships have always grown or came out of no where. I know people that specifically go out to clubs and bars trying to find 'the one'. I over hear my friends conversations about 'timing' and 'I wish it was 7 years later so...'. Mental illness and relationships are often not spoken about. We live in a society where people spend so much time seeking out the 'perfect' relationship, which is completely unrealistic. So much pressure surrounds people to act 'perfect', and will hide a lot of who they really are in relationships, especially if they have a debilitating illness.
I have had a lot of people tell me that I shouldn't enter a relationship until I am 'better'. I strongly disagree with this statement. One, they don't get to dictate how I feel. Two, ill always be prone to my mental illness. Everyone falls under the mental illness spectrum, having glimpses of symptoms and behaviours. I understand if you are in a relationship and your partner becomes suicidal it can be terrifying, but this is a misunderstanding of mental illness. Some people struggle with ideation in the back of their heads every single day. Would I be with someone who's suicidal? I a hundred per cent would because I understand the feeling of that. I understand how it feels to be mentally impaired and vulnerable. I understand the roller coaster of emotions that comes with a mental illness. I understand how to love someone unconditionally. So this is where I don't understand why people seek relationships with people who 'have it together'. Sure, they may be stable at the time. But we as humans, are evolving and changing frequently. You could be dating the most richest, stable person in the universe. Then an event could occur which results in them having a mental health issue and psychological damage. Are you going to leave them when that happens or will you support your partner? Will you compromise or just leave them to deal with it on their own? When they need someone who loves and cares for them the most?
I would rather a nourishing relationship where I do get to see my partner at their worst because I know they will still be the same person to me at the end of the day. Mental illness shouldn't be something to stop you being with someone you really love.