Monday, 20 March 2017

Beauty Behind The Madness


If we research articles based on mental illness portrayed in the age of social media, we usually discover a lot of negativity towards the diagnosis of a disorder. Words are thrown towards the mentally impaired, some can be very damaging. When you have a ratio of negativity in the world, its hard to get an insight on the positivity or beauty of being mentally ill. I believe an illness doesn't define you on a whole, but it is a part of your personality. 

So I write with a longing acceptance for people to concentrate of the beauty someone has to offer, rather than concentrating on the behaviours displayed when someone becomes sick. I know when death occurs everyone will think back on how beautiful the person who passed away was. We must become aware of the beauty in the present moments too. I know to people my persona when I am ill becomes 'ugly'. Thats when we need reminding of the beauty we offer in that moment, to minimise the pain. We need to be reminded of the colours we give to people's lives, not teared down or shamed for becoming suicidal/self harming. 

Some of the most beautiful people I know are the ones who suffer the most. Wether I had a fleeting moments with them or they are close friends of mine, I always remind myself every day how beautiful and genuine they really are. I remember what people may see as flaws it what really makes them stand out, such as their vulnerabilities, open book personalities, caring and wearing their hearts on their sleeves. These people are the beauty of the world world, the essence of life. How can you isolate such beauty from behaviours they may display in a time of suffering? Their suffering should also be embraced. For example, when I see my friend suicidal it reminds me how resilient they really are to life. Their fighting should be viewed as a strength. 

I think what people seem to have trouble acknowledging that the illness influences are strong characteristics that makes us, well us. So my strengths are driven from my feelings and emotions. For example, some say I feel so much. I do feel it which ables me to love harder than a lot of others may be able to. That is the beauty of the illness, being able to make me feel that way. People struggle to  practice love on a daily basis. Because Borderline is an integral part of my personalty, it allows me to love in the most horrific of circumstances. Due to having a different experience from others, my illness allows a lot of beautiful experiences. 

I have had to display compassion towards myself when some people have not had the capacity to do so. I have had to empathise with others when no one around them has been able to give them that extra lift. I have learnt to be gentle in times when I wanted to tear my hair out because I seemed like I was over reacting from a situation I was faced with. Some days I have done so well to counter act the negative emotions that comes with triggers. Its hard trying to regulate your emotions when you feel what people describe '90 degree burns internally inside of you, that sting at the slightest touch'. 

Anyone who is suffering, don't let it define you, It is a part of you yes, but it has taught you so many things. If people cant embrace you as a whole, well they are the ones who miss out on the beauty you have to offer. 

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