Tuesday, 21 February 2017

The difference between my darkness and your darkness is that I can look at my own badness in the face and accept its existence while you are busy covering your mirror with a white linen sheet

Authenticity and genuine people has been taking up a lot of my thoughts recently. A lot of people I have met in my time, do not really know who they are and what they want. I tend to challenge these people, as well as these people challenge my thoughts and perceptions on things. Something that really grinds my gears though, is when someone like myself does something from the heart, wether it be a gesture, a random compliment or asking out of concern how someone is, they get questioned, or in worse case scenarios, told to be ignored because they are 'mentally ill'. 

The debate and topics surrounding labelling someone with a mental illness, could be spoken about for years. Everyone has a different opinion on the 'right' and 'wrong' way to deal with someone who is 'mentally impaired'. They always seem to concentrate on the behaviours that were displayed when ill, and then when they go seek that help, they are still view as 'crazy', 'unwell' and a whole lot of other negative labels. No one ever, ever, seems to absorb the good behaviours and compassion of people. They always view the differences in such a black and white way, and always remember that instead of focusing on the positives that they have to offer. 

People often present a shell of themselves when they first meet people. They want to appear to people what will seem 'acceptable'. Majority of people will do this out of fear of people judging, being too vulnerable and showing who they really are may put them in a position to be taken advantage of. Rejection also plays a major factor as rejection is very painful, especially if you know you are a genuine and authentic person. You will then see you get cut from someone else's life, but the person who did the cutting will continue to surround themselves with inauthentic people. You will start to have self doubt and that will make you question why you weren't good enough for that person, when they were everything you wanted. 

It's a rarity these days to find open, honest and genuine people. So why do we find ourselves removing them so quickly? Some people will use them for a temporary fix, usually the people who don't really know who they are. Many do it to keep up their appearance of the fake persona they present. Why do people live a fake life? How can that be enriching? 

I met someone recently who impacted my life in a very positive way. For me, the best thing I did was present myself fro who I was straight away. She saw me and my venerability the moment she met me, and openly spoke about my struggles with my illness from the moment she sat with me. I felt a strong and rare connection with her. Although it's currently at a halt, I still didn't hide the fact I am Carissa and I do struggle with the repercussions of my debilitating illness. It's not all the time, but I wasn't scared to present 'what you see is what you get'. People shouldn't hide who they are or be ashamed of what is a form of despair for them. Communicating that and being authentic about it is what can really touch people and change someones life. They will see that about you and hopefully seek comfort in the courage you show. 

I don't have the energy to be questioned anymore. I live my life like anyone could die at any moment, so I like to remind them of how important they are to me. I find my compassion enriching, my honesty refreshing and knowing myself is rewarding. It makes me move forward quicker and I get to experience life a lot more deeply than most people. Don't ever question a person you meet who is genuine and pure. Cherish that, it's a rare quality to find these days. 

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