Tuesday, 20 December 2016

Don't go rubbing salt in other people's wounds and act surprised when they cry out in pain



Honestly, it baffles me how some people can sleep easily knowing how much they have inflicted excruciating amounts of pain onto someone else. The people who time and time again continue to hurt someone else. Someone they claim to love and care about. Someone who's intentions they had the 'best' of. 

I have been getting into debates lately. The subject which arises is: Can you blame someone else for the way you feel? I know yet again this is a grey area. Some aspects of my life I can hold others responsible for the pain they made me feel, and other aspects I can take responsibility for. But I do believe if someone is continually displaying hurtful behaviour towards you with no change at all, that you can blame them for making you feel angry/sad/hurt/in pain.

So lets just say someone you loved and trusted betrays you. You start to process it and you feel excruciating amounts of pain. Mental illness or not, a person you loved has hurt you. You start to feel pain. How is it your fault for them consciously betraying you? How are you accountable for the pain they have made you feel? You are accountable for your reactions yes, but you are not accountable for the pain inflicted on you by another person. 

A person has pushed you down to the ground and continually begins to kick you. You ask them to stop but they keep going and you are in pain. This is the same as above, you have reasoned and rationalised with this person but they continue to kick you while you are down. You get angry, sad and hurt by the repeated kicking. You are not accountable for their actions, but you are accountable for your reactions. At the time you may not be able to control your reactions, but you can't ask anyone to not react to pain. You cannot expect someone to continually get hurt and not react at all. 

I know what you are thinking. Why doesn't the person just get up and walk away? Why doesn't the person just leave? If you love someone, which I know a lot of people who read my blog have/are with partners and love someone, you would understand how hard it is to just 'walk away' from someone you love unconditionally. Even if they keep causing you pain, you stay out of hope that one day they may want to grow and be the best you know they can be. But that takes a lot of self work and taking accountability for their role in the pain inflicting. 

I had someone rub salt in my wounds for year and six months of my life. The year included me being the person to blame because of my extreme reactions. I took a step back and went to get help to minimise my intense reactions to pain. I gave this person my heart and soul out of trust. I trusted this person more then anyone in my life. But continually, they would open me up, see the pain come out and grab a handful of salt and rub it right in there. I know when they were healing the wounds they made me happy. They made me feel. When they started to rub and rub and rub, I started to feel more and more pain. That was them knowing the other wounds but not considering how I would feel in the equation. They are responsible for making me feel more pain due to the fact they reassured me I could trust and rely on them. I cannot help how I react to salt rubbed in my wounds. 



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