Sunday, 9 October 2016

The devastating impact of a lie

 

We were sitting on the concrete floor after a festival. I asked you a question I already knew the answer to. We had broken up which you view as being allowed to do what ever the hell you want. It wasn't over for me. Your words never made me move on. You knew I wasn't going anywhere. You knew how I felt about you. You knew how much I hated lying and how it would impact me. 

People tend to lie out of shame and fear. They feel they won't be accepted if they own up and tell the truth. People who lie can benefit from it and learn to change their behaviour afterwards. Until then it's impossible to
connect with them. 

The second form of lying and the one I dealt with at the start of the year. Some people lie because they are selfish. These liars are pathological. We simply cannot rely on them practically or emotionally. 

I still wonder to this day if people understand the impact lies have on people afterwards. The person on a recieving end of a lie start to doubt themselves. They are the ones who end up feeling shame and feeling disrespected. I like people who make me feel cared for, of importance and respected. Three traits I know I made the partner who betrayed me feel. 

As soon as I found out the truth two months down the track these are the emotions I felt. I felt unimportant. That they didn't care enough about me to tell me the truth. When I found out the extent of the lie, I felt stupid. I felt my intelligence was insaulted and I also felt ashamed I was labeled as 'dramatic' because of the gut feeling I had. I thought less of my partner. I considered her one of my best friends and someone I could put all my trust in to. When I found out she lied to me, it destroyed the connection I thought we had. I felt isolated. I was giving this person pieces of me and showing them a lot of private parts of me. I soon realised how it wasn't reciprocated. 

The biggest feeling was the trust was gone. To have a strong and stable relationship, trust is a huge part in making that work. Friendship or relationships are built on trust. As much as I was willingly to forgive her and I did forgive her, the trust was gone. I was constantly questioning her as a person and her motives after she lied to me on numerous occasions. Nothing justified or excused her lying to my face. 

They didn't want to make things right and that's where I started to feel like nothing. I ended up feeling bad for the reaction from the pain caused by the lie. I should of never had to feel bad for being mentally impaired after someone I loved lied to me.

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