Sunday, 30 October 2016

Living life outside a bubble

Narrow minded perspectives can stunt self growth. If you spend your whole life doing what people expect you to do, doing the same thing over and over again, how are you suppose to move forward? I think its easy to live in your comfort zone. But it takes a lot of courage to take yourself out of a situation and an environment where its all you know. 

Some people viewed me as moving to Melbourne a 'running away from my problems' type of thing. My problems are still with me regardless of where I end up. The problem for me is I out grew a lot of my friendship circles as I had goals I wanted to achieve. The environments I was associating myself with were sucking me dry of positive health. So to conclude your assumptions, me leaving my home behind was possibly the biggest thing I have done for myself. 

Five years ago I had some of the best times I can remember with my social group. We would live for the weekend, always trying to find new things and make new friends. I have met people along the way who have shaped who I am. Some have had the most positive influence on me and how I have become with their help and support. Others have tested me with their negativity and insecurities but I have only learnt from them. I hold no grudge to who ever hurt me along my journey of self discovery. 

I guess what people don't really understand is the negative impact an environment can have on mental illness or anyone in that matter. I was in an environment where I constantly had to second guess myself as the people around me would put other people down to make themselves more superior. I even found myself talking about others in curiosity as I couldn't pin point what these group of people are all about. From an outsiders view I saw so many dysfunctions, back stabbing, drama and the moral compass compared to mine was completely warped. Bragging of how they cheated on their partners and that 'I don't care' attitude really impacted me. I mean how could they not care about hurting others in the process of gaining what they wanted at the time? All for a quick fix of something which in the end they would flick away as soon as someone questioned them as a person. I spent so long trying to come to terms with it all. I don't know if I dissociate that much that I had it around me even before this time or if it was just this particular group of people I was hanging around. Either way I couldn't be myself because being myself would result in them feeling uncomfortable. 

Nothing seemed 'meaningful'. I live a life of means and I try my hardest to be kind to who ever I come into contact with. Even if I do slip up I will apologise with mean and I will learn from the situation. I feel like when people are stuck in small bubbles of a small social group that they cannot expand and discover things for themselves. It has to be what everyone else is doing. Its about going to the trendiest thing that the city has to offer. It has to be on their levels. If you aren't into what they are into then you are considered an outcast. A 'loser'. Someone not to associate with because you go against what they live for. But there is so much more life out there then the same repetitive trendy event in a small minded city. 

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy partying. But I enjoy partying where everyone can feel welcome and feel involved. Not where certain people think they are more superior or far more better then the other people in their presence. Not someone who would say 'hi!' if you pass them in the streets. But as soon as they see you in an environment considered 'cool' they will pretend you don't exist as they are so worried about their self image rather than making someone feel welcome. 

Moving to a bigger city, people have to involve others and look out for each other to function. Im sure you still have the same thing every where you go and I love the city I am from. I love my friends and I love the experiences I had there. But things seem to make more sense when you remove yourself from an environment that almost destroyed you. I don't call it running away, I call it a discovery I needed for me to remind myself of who I am. Not what others think I should and want me to be. I can finally breath that fresh air I wanted without worrying what everyone else will think of me.