Wednesday, 5 October 2016

Abandon ship!


Being left by someone you really love can push the strongest and most independent among us to the brink. No matter how stable or reliant someone is on themselves, the thought of living without the person they truly love can break someone. This person has made us feel so strongly that the emotions we feel towards them is beyond our control. 

Fear of abandonment is a huge symptom that comes with BPD. BPD longs for the closeness but also pushes away out of fear they will eventually leave. So the BPD will constantly live in a state of fear or panic if they feel they have hurt the person they have that closeness with in any way and will take full resposnibilty for it, even if it isn't their fault.

Abandonment is a deep wound. It contains all of the feelings of disappointment, disconnection, rejection, heart ache, self doubt, frustration and shame that the BPD brain has developed since early stages of childhood. So when abandonment happens in the present, it erupts a flow of emotional pain right from the core that was experience in the past. So a new wound surfaces. This is the beginning of the grief cycle. 

In BPD, it can be a big or small gesture of abandonment that will still bring up equally painful emotional response through no fault of the person suffering this emotional disregulation. This hyper- reactivity also stems from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. None of the reactions from both these disorders are of choice, except it's the sufferer that is left feeling guilty and shameful for how they react when someone wants to abandon/displays behaviours that they will leave. So if you have experienced a painful break up, you must begin to understand the chronic pain a truma and BPD sufferer feel on a regular basis. 

People don't understand or know that BPD/trauma have a diesead part of the brain. The amygdala is the emotional centre of the brain and is responsible for the flight flee freeze response of the brain. Ours is set on over drive and creates emotional hijacking. It can be triggered by relationship break downs, being excluded or even slightly isolated. 

Before you think you are stuck in a relationship with a BPD person and it feels impossible to leave, you must acknowledge the things you do in the situation that will hurt the person suffering. For example leading them into false sense of security, promising them a future and reassuring them to trust you then a day later changing your mind erupts the emotional core. Then you begin to wonder why they are beyond upset? People need to be more aware. We are loveable and it's not our fault we react the way we do to pain. 

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